When you don’t know how to go on

Sometimes there are moments when you don’t know how to go on. You don’t know how to go on in your relationship. You don’t know how to generate more revenue. You’re lost on how to solve the family argument you are having. You don’t know how to relate to your daughter. How to constructively solve the arguments with your ex about the parenting of your children.

You try hard to work it all out, but nothing works. There’s chaos in your head. Tension in your body. The only outcome of this constant fighting seems to be a feeling of powerlessness and frustration. It tires you out. Leaves you exhausted. And often the thought arises: I’ll just give up, never mind.

Is there another way? A different option than the two extremes of doing your best to change something on the one hand and completely withdrawing from the situation on the other hand?

For years I watched myself continuously reaching out and withdrawing. Especially in relationships this pattern became evident. Something wouldn’t flow, I would become aware of all the things that weren’t right which then required lots of changes from the other side. Or I would think I needed to be all spiritual to be able to deal with my own critical mind. In turn this would cost me so much energy that I eventually gave up on the relationship.

I’ve also seen myself do this in other areas of my life. Trying my utmost to change things, because I wasn’t content. Whether this involved my social life which wasn’t exciting enough, my business which didn’t generate enough revenue, or my health which wasn’t optimal. I had plenty of ideas, about what needed to change. About how I could generate more money. How I could expand my social circle. How things could be better, faster, more fun, more satisfying. But however hard I did my best, for some reason I always ended up in the same unsatisfied state. All in all nothing seemed to change. And in the meantime I felt increasingly exhausted. What the hell was I doing?

I was wanting to turn reality into something other than it was. That’s what I was doing! I was furiously trying to change the present moment. An impossible and exhausting task. The present will change anyway, I have come to realise. I shouldn’t be trying to force it in a certain direction.

If I am able to surrender to reality, exactly as it is; if I accept that the family argument won’t resolve itself right now, the other has different needs at the moment, my health could be better, my business isn’t expanding as much as I had hoped. If I allow this to be the case without running away, nor trying hard to change it; if I can reside in the middle of it without resistance and connect with what is, including the unease that it involves, the change I so fervently wish for will naturally unfold itself. This is what I have come to experience.

First something substantial shifts inside me. The resistance fades, the struggles in my mind disappear, the tension is released and is replaced by peace and stillness. And each time I am amazed to see the outside world change with me. Automatically something happens on the other side. And this change is always positive.

Every subsequent movement I then make, comes much more naturally. No longer forced and reasoned from the mind, but moving along with the flow. Suddenly the universe seems to be working in my favour and life shines and sparkles in every way. How fascinating yet again!